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In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, by George K. Simon
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Dr. George Simon knows how people push your buttons. Your children--especially teens--are expert at it, as is your mate. A co-worker may quietly undermine your efforts while professing to be helpful, or your boss may prey on your weaknesses. Manipulative people have two goals: to win and to look good doing it. Often those they abuse are only vaguely aware of what is happening to them. In this eye-opening book, you'll also discover...
* 4 reasons why victims have a hard time leaving abusive relationships
* Power tactics manipulators use to push their own agendas and justify their behavior
*Ways to redefine the rules of engagement between you and an abuser
* How to spot potential weaknesses in your character that can set you up for manipulation.
* 12 tools for personal empowerment to help you maintain greater strength in all relationships
- Sales Rank: #35701 in eBooks
- Published on: 2010-04-01
- Released on: 2010-04-01
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
”Thank you for your book, In Sheep’s Clothing. My husband and I saw several counselors to help us through the problems we were having with my mother-in-law who is immature and manipulative. The counselors spent most of their time trying to get me [to accept her], instead of teaching me [as only your book did] ways to cope with her manipulation.”
(Erin, online purchaser)
“I've not read a more eye opening book. It hits the problem nail right on the head. If you suspect someone is manipulating you, please read this most valuable book. It will truly pull the wool off of your eyes.”
(Carnelian, a reader in New England)
From the Publisher
Dr. George Simon knows how people push your buttons: your children--especially teens--are expert at it, as is your mate. A co-worker may quietly undermine your efforts while professing to be helpful, or your boss may prey on your weaknesses. Manipulative people have two goals: to win and to loog good doing it. Often those they abuse are only vaguely aware of what is happening to them. In this eye-opening book, you'll also discover * four reasons why victims have a hard time leaving abusie relationships, * power tactics manipulative people use to push their own agendas and justify their behavior, * ways to redefine the rules of engagement between you and the abuser, * how to spot potential weaknesses in your character that can set you up for manipulation, * 2 tools for personal empowerment to help you maintain greater strength in all relationships, and much more.
From the Inside Flap
"[After reading In Sheep's Cloting], I am beginning to reclaim my life, find my self-respect and confidence. --Marc, a reader in Virginia
Most helpful customer reviews
293 of 300 people found the following review helpful.
do you feel that something is "just not right"?
By Sammy Madison
I think aggression and manipulation is an "open secret" in our society, and an individual can lead a much more successful life if they have the mental tools to intelligently evaluate and take action against such behavior. "In Sheep's Clothing" could help a reader who is being manipulated and used take necessary steps to deal with a potentially ambiguous situation. If you are beginning to feel that there is something wrong in your relationship (with a relative, significant other, or boss) and that it is not YOU who is crazy, this book might be a good place to start. This would also be a helpful book for a young person entering the workplace or the world of dating to read. I think many of us go out into the world not realizing that we will encounter many people who are sizing us up as potential victims. Those of us who have not already learned to look for covert aggression in people we would hope to find trustworthy (lovers, teachers, therapists, supervisors) might be put on the alert by this book, since these users rely on the victim's and witnesses' denial of what the aggressor are actually doing. The section I found most interesting is the one entitled "Recognizing the Tactics of Manipulation and Control". I think this section is really the heart of the book because the reader can identify the concrete behaviors being used against him and see them for what they are: weapons and tactics of an aggressor. On the downside, I think this book could benefit from a more extensive section on personality disorders. A person who is in a close relationship with a borderline or narcissistic personality disordered abuser would be likely to read this book in the early stages of feeling like something is wrong in their relationship, since manipulation is a major part of the pathology. For someone in this situation, it would be really helpful to be told the characteristics of these disorders so they can more effectively "know their enemy".
283 of 291 people found the following review helpful.
Barely scratches the surface
By Laura De Giorgio
In this small book the author presents through several stories examples through which people may manipulate each other in family and business environments, and then through the tips in the last chapter offers suggestions for dealing with different scenarios. Personally, I liked that "how to" chapter of 22 pages with practical tips the best.
The most useful skills one can develop for dealing with manipulative people seem to be learning to set boundaries and becoming assertive and in that regard other books deal with these topics at much greater length, and I consider them more useful than this book.
Some of the tips for dealing with manipulative people this author suggests are:
- Accept no excuses
- Judge actions, not intentions
- Set personal limits
- Make direct requests
- Accept only direct responses
- Stay focused in the here and now
- When confronting aggressive behavior, keep the weight of responsibility on the aggressor
- When you confront, avoid sarcasm, hostility, and put-downs
- Avoid making threats
- Take action quickly
- Speak for yourself
- Make reasonable agreements
- Be prepared for consequences
- Be honest with yourself
200 of 207 people found the following review helpful.
Too much time describing, more time needed advising
By CC Daigneault
Overall, this book IS a good read. It describes the nasty people out there to a tee. But this book suffers from the same problem most other personality-disorder-type books have: the author spends 99% of the pages describing problematic individuals and only 1% advising how to deal with them. I might be completely wrong here, but I think most of us buy these types of books because we want to learn how to deal with people that frustrate us. For the most part, this is just another book telling us that yes, horrible people are indeed out there, and the author goes on page after page coming back to this central point. With the exception of a few pages, how you deal with these people is for you to figure out for yourself (despite the title of the book).
The gist of this book is that once you are aware that somebody is manipulative, that in itself should be comforting and that is how the author defines "dealing with" a manipulative person. Maybe I'm alone on this, but simply knowing that somebody has control issues while they are making a scene in front of me is not the least bit comforting.
You'll see this in other reviews as well, but there are some oddities to the book. Once you get past the typos and spacing quirks, you'll notice the author repeatedly states how other therapists and conventional psychology are all wrong and how - lucky for us - he came along with the "right" psychological descriptions of why terrible people are the way they are. This "yay for me" attitude is peppered throughout the book, ironically, and is distracting indeed, but not enough to be a purchasing deal breaker, I don't think.
I think I could have given this book more stars if I had read it first, but I just finished reading, "Nasty People" by Jay Carter and THAT is a five star book. Jay is a humble, educated guy who basically says, "Ok, here are the jerks out there and here's what ya gotta do." Although Jay still spends the majority of the book simply describing bad people, he does offer practical advice on how to deal with them, and gives word-for-word examples of what to say, and some body language examples you can use.
All in all, I guess you can't read too many books about people you don't want to be around so this book is worth the read.
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